After the loss of my daughter i am into the seeking of what could be the reason for her short term of connection to this world...more particular to me and my family. This question is BIG enough to fill my mind whenever i think of her.
My daughter breathed her last on the operation theatre. From the day she came on this earth, she was conveying so many things to the people around her, especially to me as a mother. Always she would point her little finger and the ring finger in the air, when she was days old...this just not meant reflex actions to me...they warned me of some danger. My instinct said that the child is in danger and there are days when i would tell this to my mother and cry. Though she would console me saying that my daughter is after all a kid and would chide away my fears saying they might be silly.... You know what..those fingers told me that she would have to pass a difficult stage in her life when she is 2 months old...and once again whe she was 2 years old...
Her first encounter with DEATH happened when she was 2months old...had a shunt done on those brittle body, tried hard enough to bring her carbondioxide levels down, which were way too high even for an adult...but succeeded DEATH and kicked him till she could meet that evil again in 1 1/2 years time. This time she was answering all our questions and our requests with a hum...she never answered my doubt whether she would get operated for a corrective surgery...FEAR as it gripped me when she was months old, did not even dare to show his sign to me this time... i was confident enough not only on the surgeon who operated on my daughter, but on her as whole.. she was the epitomy of confidence to me and seeing her laugh till she was given a sleeping dose, gave me the power to believe that she will be back soon healthy and what not to expect....
I was the one who gave her the sleeping drug on doctor's advice and put her to sleep......no not on my lap but in my LIFE. She was forced the syrup, which she hesitated to drink...even if i had not given her, she would be sleeping only, as she is now... maybe she knew that there was no need of the medicines, IVs, injections or any anesthesia...minutes before her departure, she stood on her own, climbing on the wall to show to her dad for the first time that she can conquer the world.....(he never had the chance to see her developments as he was living away from us due to work) Now that he has seen first her new development, cannot boast of it as it did not last, neither for him nor for us to cherish....
All these thoughts linger in my mind day and night. Ofcourse there cannot be a day or night that i cannot be not thinking of her. Engrossed in the process to find a solution to her connection, i started reading the book MANY LIVES, MANY MASTERS by Dr. Brian Weiss. As described by him in the book, something really came to picture yesterday night. I was watching the film KNOWING on an english channel and the movie, as i thought would be a story only about predictions proved me wrong. In fact it seemed to bring out a new meaning for the title itself, in me.
The father of the son who has some special powers, tries to figure out as to what is happening to his son...likewise i am in persuit of a meaning for my daughter's life and death. Especially the climax scenes where the kids are taken away from this materialistic world...by some supreme power...this was what i learnt after reading the book. Though the lines were strong enough to reproduce the letters in vision, the movie added another level to my vision of how the ETERNAL being would be and how the VOICE OF THE MASTER would draw his candidates one after the other as demanded by him... i know that my little angel would have been accompanied to a pleasant world outside this earth, far away from these earthly matters....she would definetely be playing around in a peaceful atmosphere than what i have or could have provided her..
I AM YEARNING TO SEE MY DAUGHTER GROW IN THAT WORLD...SURE SHE WOULD RECOGNISE ME THE MOMENT I STEP THERE AND WELCOME ME WITH HER ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL SMILE
Love you manasvini maa....miss you a lot...please come back to me or accept me wherever you are
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