I AM HERE WITH YOU.....

Working out after a long time, got me really tired and slept with body pain. Unable to doze off as usual, i was disturbed by string of events all through the night. Tossing on the bed for hours together, finally eased myself and closed my eyes at 3 in the morning. Sleeping beauty shined on me and soon i was in a peaceful rest. My little angel is very cute and chirpy like a bird and comes walking to me with just a hip chain and her anklets on.... slowly steps her tiny little feet on the floor and moves forward holding the edges of the book shelf. The shelf is dirty, and the books are strewn all over, helter-skelter. She comes close to me and says "இங்க பாரு, இங்க பாரு", then lifts a book larger than her size and goes through the first few pages of it. Waving it left and right with her usual giggle, she flings the book in style :-) To the amusement of everyone present at home, with her, she enjoys what she has done. I LOVE HER FOR WHAT SHE IS. I make fun of her by calling her "robot - rajini" and she has her mouth opened wide with a continuous laugh and giggle. All of us enjoy this pleasant action of hers, but.....it was a dream.

Very naughty.....look at her, you will know why :-)

After a while, when she is asleep, i hear the purring of a cat. so i look around and ask my sister as to where the sound comes from... even she is not sure and in between again we both hear the sound....you know what it was not a real cat but my kitten which was making the sounds in her sleep. My sister and i, share a  smile to which, i tell her "maybe she is dreaming and making such sounds". Soon after my lil angel tosses to her side and is wetting the bed in her sleep. She enjoys her bath this way and i didn't disturb her as she might be forced to stop easing herself. Being a mother, i cannot let my child sleep in the wetness and that too of a "body waste". I lift her, to wipe her bottoms, but she seems to be disturbed from her "rest".....again this is also a dream, not only for her, but for me too.

The house is crowded with all our relatives as something untoward has happened. I am not sure what it is, but i am more tensed and worried rather than anyone around, as i am awaiting the return of my daughter. My father and sister had gone out and had taken my Lil one with them. Though my mind says that my sis would take care of her, my heart badly needs to see her now..... There comes the maid of our neighbour who informs me that my daughter is being brought in an auto-rickshaw.....i am in a confused state of mind, as to why a healthy baby be brought home in a vehicle....of course when they all left, they carried my daughter on their shoulders, and my dad being a strong man, why is he in a situation to carry my daughter in an auto-rickshaw??!!! Mostly i see my angel to be healthy and smiling in all my dreams.....With tears about to roll down, i hug my baby, who is after all sleeping on her way back home.....

Why? Why should i have a dream, not one but three different situations, in which i am very close with my daughter. I am able hear her talk, see her walk, enjoy her actions and reactions......all this was not possible of her on her own, as she had difficulties with standing on her bare foot, leave alone walking. She did not talk even a single word for her age of 27 months.....All that she did all the time was to smile and laugh and make others around her happy. She was put to rigorous training. (i would call that a punishment which i enjoyed sadistically). I wish that all these dreams don't stop here to just be a dream, but to become a vision, a vision of this couple to have her back in our lives......PLEASE SHOWER SOME BABY DUST ON US, THAT OF A GIRL AND THAT OF MANASVINI HERSELF.....the ever smiling angel of ur house.

I, rather all of us, wanted her to "behave normally like any other child", but she was "behaving normally" from her perspective. There is an irony in her LIFE....she was born with severe heart defects, yet she lived her life like all other children on earth. Born healthy and with no physical or mental ailments, we thought that ONLY people like us are NORMAL......

Like i now realise, after her loss, PAIN AND PROBLEMS AND EMOTIONS ARE INDIVIDUAL TO ANY INDIVIDUAL. Each one of  us have our own degree of limits / bare ability to all the above said......

This could be well supported by an old saying in Tamil, which when translated would be

"Not all fingers of a hand are similar"