NOT ONCE OR TWICE, BUT THRICE

Daily bidding goodnight to my little one, i retire to bed. Some nights, she communicates with me and other times i have a sound sleep, unmindful of where i am.... There are days too and daytimes too when she has communicated... she conveys her life "above", thereby instilling in me that she is happy and safe in her second world. Yesterday being the 2nd death anniversary of my granma, we were observing all the rituals and rites for the day. Before everything could start, i was chatting with my parents, regarding the book i lost the previous night....SAME SOUL, MANY BODIES. This book is not just a bundle of words, printed on paper...it is a treasure to me as i could see my daughter in those letters...I was scolding myself for being such a stupid, to misplace the book in the flight. Immersed in the thought of what i have read, and shared with the world, i was discussing the lines that really touched my conscience. On the other hand, prayed to my daughter to get the book back to me...in this process, i was recollecting the events of the day of her surgery...what all happened and was explaining to my dad, that everything thing in this world is connected in a way or other and that every action of an individual has an equal and opposite reaction. No, i am not talking about Newton's third law but the psychological reactions of every life on earth.

All this and later, had my meal and slept of tiredness. I was wandering the streets of chennai like a lunatic, dragging my husband along wherever i went. Suddenly the thought of my daughter, left alone at home, comes to my mind and rush there with him. Hearing it from my mother that my li'l one is being taken care of my sister, i hurry to see her. There, our relatives have forcibly lifted my child from my sister and are merrying, at her inabilities...someone is shuttling her head and making fun of her, while others enjoy it with a wild laughter. Being a mother i just cannot hold on anymore and take my daughter back, with tears rolling down my cheeks. I hug my little angel so tight, that she wraps her legs around my waist and enjoys it with a smile on her face...as usual.

This scene, jolts me out of sleep...for i realise it was a dream on a daylight...i hope this doesn't turn into daydreaming as i want my little one back on earth, with me and my husband to enjoy LIFE.

Later that evening, i received a call from my beloved who informed that my book is with the airline staff. Not knowing how to express my joy on getting my book back, i thanked my daughter and rushed to their office to collect it in the same condition that i had left it in-flight. I need to mention that, if i carry on a single work, even a simple one, without informing her it goes waste. She is the guardian angel of our house and also the guiding angel, making all our wishes come true in our day to day life...our wish to have her back is still not fulfiled though...maybe she needs time to cure herself of the ailment completely... I am confident that if i become pregnant again, it is going to be her and none other than her.

Too much of her thoughts, her actions and her company that kept us alive was discussed on my return. After reading out some quotes from the book aloud, and sharing my experiences with my family, went to bed...but slept past midnight. I was having my sister by my side, this time too but am not clear as to what the whole scene was... I can only remember that i took my daughter again from my sister, who was rocking her cradle, calming her for a sleep. I take her in my arms and hug her with a smile... this too was a dream....

Later after a few hours, i was running in the streets of maharashtra.... i cannot make it out where...but can only recollect that it is a marathi soil... heavy downpour has spoilt the beauty and the roads are slushy making it difficult to step out. I am accompanied by my father and husband, ofcourse my cousin too is there to make fun of my daughter. My angel is dressed like a boy, in a silky white pyjama-kurta, knotting her hair on top of her head, like Krishna... We are all pulling some hand-held carts and running around those untidy streets... my cousin is all praise of his son, whereas i am proud of my daughter... He challenges us for a competition on the carts with the kids on board.... as i cannot guarantee the health of my daughter, i try to avoid it and dodge him by taking a route just opposite to his...my father gives a doll of a cow, to my daughter to keep her busy through the ride...my husband checks it whether it is clean and dirt-free, for even a small dust particle can start a rough day for her...i too do the same and reiterate that it is ok to let her play with such toys once in a while....she is enjoying her ride on the cart which is pulled by her granpa, supported by her appa and being taken care of by her mother... despite the jolts in the cart ride she is having fun, with her sweet chuckles....all the way through. I didn't know where we landed on our ride...but i landed down from my DREAM...

Hope this day comes to life in our lives....



kiss

என் மகளின் புகைப்படங்களை

பதிவு செய்ததால் கெட்டுப்போனது

கம்ப்யூட்டர்....

எனது முத்த மழையால்

ADVICE COMES FREE OF COST

The world is materialistic... in the sense that nothing comes free. Everything is tagged with a quotation and cannot be enjoyed unless you owe a penny, to the least. Still there are exceptions ... a mother's love that comes free flowing to the child, wherever the child is...be it good or bad, the mother is always a mother and her love cannot be surpassed by anything in this world. Another one to this list is ADVICE. True no one likes advice, but when it comes to advise, everyone is happy to share their bit. Whether it is liked by the person on the other side?????? they are least bothered.

When a person is in a bad situation, sad situation, what they require is solitude and peace of mind to console themselves. Right that such a person should not be left alone in angles of depression and other such related issues..but being alone, one can easily recollect all that has happened and draw a consolation or conclusion to the cause. Believing that they are always right and that their advise is most required at that hour, many lend a fast hand at this. Be it friends or relatives, they come out with their ideas and force it on the victim in the name of advice.

After the loss of my daughter, my husband and i are still to see a light in our lives. There is not a single moment we cannot think of her. There were days when we enjoyed the company of manasvini, and now we enjoy her only in our dreams. Sometimes verbal interaction happens, else it is just a blessing of the sight of her. Still both of us enjoy feeding her and cleaning her bottom and dressing her up....in our dreams. We have reduced our visits to relatives, friends and other such social gatherings as we want to enjoy the vacuum her loss has created. There are times when one cannot avoid meeting a relative, once in a new moon. During such meetings, instead of having a casual talk, they become more inquisitive... and take us back to the moment of suffocation...yes, all these questions suffocate us both that, that night i have a problem breathing normally.

There was this relative of ours who advised us to go for adoption...his advise was immediate that he did not seem to have the courtesy of thinking what effect it would have on us. Of course, both of us love babies and are on the thoughts of adopting a child home...but not in the immediate future. Once our little angel comes back to us, we will definitely make it happen. On another unavoidable visit, i was advised to take up a job with some non-governmental organisation, that helps in bringing up orphans, to change my mentality. Though i did not visit her for this piece of advice, i returned home dumb.

It is quite easy to advise people. Before doing so, think for yourself that what you would be saying cannot always mean literally to the person who is hearing. Just because you are in a better situation than the victim, it doesn't mean that they are here to listen to all that you say, and no one can be forced to advise. If a person at the wrong side of the "wheel of life" meets you by chance, just share a light conversation with them. Do not bother them with what has happened. There is no time machine that can repair and mend the sufferings for the victimised. Definitely You cannot change the past, revert the loss, but do not trouble them with your advise, spoiling their future.

There is this big question lingering in my mind for a long time.....should people in grief always follow what others say???? should they be subjected to advise, in the name of help???? can't they live their life individually???? can't they think on their own????? when will advise seem to cease????

Even the couple in grief cannot be of consolation to one another as i believe that, everything is individual and to every individual, emotions are individualistic. There is definitely a difference in the degree of joy, pain, sorrow, agony, hatred, love, happiness, tears....and the list is endless...among individuals. So please DO NOT ADVISE people who are in pain... it makes no gain..in their lives. TIME IS A HEALER AND TIME MOVES ON....



MANY SOULS, ONE CONNECTION

I was reading the book by Dr. Brian Weiss night....SAME SOUL, MANY BODIES. This book, to me is

a sequel to his other book MANY LIVES, MANY MASTERS. Reading the first few pages of the book

has opened a new avenue in me... that there is a connection between the souls of the persons

belonging to a family and that of the souls that these souls come in contact with.

This tragic incident happened about 3 years back in the month of June. My daughter was operated for

a procedure to give her an ample supply of oxygen, so that she can grow, her blood vessels too, long enough

to sustain the corrective surgery she needed later in her life. As told earlier, she had fight with

DEATH then itself and was on her recovery, a couple of days after the operation. At that time,

this girl of about 26, came to meet my daughter, who was trying to sleep, despite the troubles

that we had been giving her... too many tubes attached to her body....to draw blood samples, to give

her glucose..etc, etc.

Now, what is the reason behind this meeting of the girl and my daughter, who knew nothing about this????

No i cannot say that she knew nothing about this...as she always freaked out at the very sight of the

IV holder placed next to her...had to call the hospital assistants and prove them that it frightened

the baby who was only 2 months old and got it removed from the room. Maybe the souls wanted to meet

and greet one another as there might be an association later in their life. The girl on seeing my

daughter, who was still on the support of oxygen, was not ready mentally to take up her operation,

which was due the next day. I was consoling her, as i usually do to a troubled person, by giving her

words of courage and confidence that she is going to be fine after her surgery. Those were the last

words that i exchanged with her and her mother.... couldn't meet her later to prove my words right.

On our next review to the hospital, i met her brother who was worried about his sister's life as

she was not making it to her recovery...this girl was lying in the same bed that my daughter was

lying after her surgery. Again this was the same bed in which my daughter breathed her last in june 2009.

Something is to be noted here....There was a meeting between the girl,my daughter, me, my mom and her mom. Though only i exchanged a few words with the girl while she exchanged a touch with my daughter...there is a connection between the souls of the three of us....

This was reasoned out last year when my daughter was on the operation theatre for her major corrective

surgery.

The clock ticked 10 in the morning and my little angel was taken to the operation theatre, with all

the necessary formalities completed...I went to a state of calmness, as i was not at all worried

about the safety of my daughter's life. Reassuring myself that she would come back to me healthier,

i was asleep on the bed. Suddenly i was awaken by something and rushed to the doorway a few metres

away from the ICU and was seated there on the steps, with my japa-mala. I was chanting RAMA RAMA 108 times for one round and was completing as many rounds as i could... After a while, i was counting only

1,2,3,4,5,6,7....1,2,3,4,5,6,7....It took time for me to realise that i am counting only numbers and

not chanting or praying to GOD. Like a spark, there was this tragic incident flashing in my mind...the

meeting of the girl and my conscience was telling me that chanting rama mantra would help one, towards

their END and would lead them in their path to the Abode of GOD. Why should i be thinking of all this when

my daughter is getting operated a few metres away from me???? Only i was sitting there and when my husband and mom came to see what i was doing, i was tight lipped...yes, didnot feel like opening my mouth.

Did not even show them signs or winked my eyes....Something was reminding me of the girl who lost her

life 3 years ago and that she would take care of my daughter, if at all anything happens...Then when

i returned to consciousness, i scolded myself for running such bad thoughts and was wishing that

all is fine, my daughter would return healthy.

I want to share this at this hour of the midnight, as the book i was reading proved that there might

be a connection between the three souls...me, my daughter and the girl. As described by Dr. Brian Weiss,

------"The soul certainly exists outside of the physical body, and it makes connections not only

to the other lifetimes of the person it just departed but to all other souls". ......."Sometimes

there are other souls around---you could call them masters or guides---who are very wise and help

your soul on its journey toward the One". Only three of us had interactions, orally and physically...

The soul of the girl wanted to meet the soul of my daughter and that of mine, three years ago....came

down to our room on "purpose" and conveyed some message by her touch and talk????? The answer to me

is YES...i realise that the soul of the girl knew that it was time to depart and elevate, so met a

soul for its later companionship - my daughter and conveyed to my soul that they would be taking care

of one another now. This again, i feel, is the awakening of my soul which is seeking the reason behind my

daughter's loss.

Why was i tight lipped for sometime????nearly 90 minutes....why was i reminded of this girl????

why should my subconscious tell me that all that i am chanting for is for the better path towards one's end????? and that too of my daughter's????? All these questions, rather seekings have found a reasonable answer tonight.

Maybe the picture would be clear when my soul meets them in their space.....

What is your Earnings????

So, what has one earned in life???

This is the question that every individual would ask themself at any one point in their lifetime...This is a very important question and has many faces to it, when it comes to explanation. It can mean monetary benefits to some, while for others it means more emotional... like a good name or bad deeds, and so on. All through one's lifetime, right from the birth of a child, every human on earth would like to be in the toppers list when it comes to earnings. A child earns the friendship, of even a stranger, with a smile. A kid earns good names in the family to get more toys. A boy or a girl earns academically to set a goal for their future. A man earns financially to support himself and his family. A woman earns the wellness of the family members by her sacrifice. The list goes on as it is a neverending one. On the other hand, there are some souls in this world who would be remembered by others, for setting a bad example. Yes, i should call them souls, for i believe it is not the individual, the physical body that takes human being towards GOOD and BAD.... it is the innerbeing...the soul that is filled in the earthly material that gives the free will to the human who carries it through their last breath.

So what importance, rather how important is this in one's life???? The community that we live in, respects us only by the EARNINGS that we have accumulated. Be it good or bad, right or wrong, you are estimated by the value you carry. You might be a person who has failed to earn a good name at the beginning of your life, but when this continues till your END, then it becomes a concern. To me LIFE is a vicious circle where every individual has his turn of good deeds and the bad ones too. Being a woman who has never felt pain, sorrow, grief, agony, the list goes on.....i thought i  was a "normal" person, leading a normal life. I was wrong.... i was tested for these emotions in my early twenties and fun was what i was yearning for. Having earned laughter, good family, good sibling, good friends.....life brought forth a new atmosphere for me to carry on....

Blessed with a wonderful kid, of my choice, i was "enjoying" life with my little princess. The blow on my head came after 40 days of her birth and then i had to accept what life has given me....though it took time to come to reality. To be granted with a special kid is a boon for any mother, especially me. May be GOD thought that i am a good messiah, He handed over this beautiful bundle of joy, to take special care of. She was the one who lead me into the perspective of  LIFE....she made me understand that life on earth is not just being physical, but spiritual too. Being quiet, the way i wanted to be, she had her measure of mischief and all the good qualities that any girl child would be born with. Until her last breath, she was earning all that she can... that i have still not made a point even to take efforts for. She had earned a handful of Doctors, whom for her are Uncles with a magic wand to cure her of her illness and her disabilities. Friends from all walks of life and ages no bar :-) Spiritual companions in her visits to the therapy centre. Apart from this, i adored her with the glittering metal from the money that my husband had earned. This did not matter to her anytime. Even the clothing that covered her body, was of no importance to her. She was in constant contact with some SPIRITUAL LINK and never managed to bother herself or others in the family about her needs. There were days when she had bathed in uric acid, with bliss. All this only proves to me, now, that she was a spiritual being who had come down to earth to teach me "something" that i have been ignorant of. I wish i earn it the right way from now on....

It's true that "Child is the Father of Man". She has educated me what earning is and what one should earn in their life. This has taught me that life is not all about being ALIVE.....one should be AWARE of what is happening on earth and should AWAKE when Eternity calls.....to lead a LIFE in LIGHT.