When a person is in a bad situation, sad situation, what they require is solitude and peace of mind to console themselves. Right that such a person should not be left alone in angles of depression and other such related issues..but being alone, one can easily recollect all that has happened and draw a consolation or conclusion to the cause. Believing that they are always right and that their advise is most required at that hour, many lend a fast hand at this. Be it friends or relatives, they come out with their ideas and force it on the victim in the name of advice.
After the loss of my daughter, my husband and i are still to see a light in our lives. There is not a single moment we cannot think of her. There were days when we enjoyed the company of manasvini, and now we enjoy her only in our dreams. Sometimes verbal interaction happens, else it is just a blessing of the sight of her. Still both of us enjoy feeding her and cleaning her bottom and dressing her up....in our dreams. We have reduced our visits to relatives, friends and other such social gatherings as we want to enjoy the vacuum her loss has created. There are times when one cannot avoid meeting a relative, once in a new moon. During such meetings, instead of having a casual talk, they become more inquisitive... and take us back to the moment of suffocation...yes, all these questions suffocate us both that, that night i have a problem breathing normally.
There was this relative of ours who advised us to go for adoption...his advise was immediate that he did not seem to have the courtesy of thinking what effect it would have on us. Of course, both of us love babies and are on the thoughts of adopting a child home...but not in the immediate future. Once our little angel comes back to us, we will definitely make it happen. On another unavoidable visit, i was advised to take up a job with some non-governmental organisation, that helps in bringing up orphans, to change my mentality. Though i did not visit her for this piece of advice, i returned home dumb.
It is quite easy to advise people. Before doing so, think for yourself that what you would be saying cannot always mean literally to the person who is hearing. Just because you are in a better situation than the victim, it doesn't mean that they are here to listen to all that you say, and no one can be forced to advise. If a person at the wrong side of the "wheel of life" meets you by chance, just share a light conversation with them. Do not bother them with what has happened. There is no time machine that can repair and mend the sufferings for the victimised. Definitely You cannot change the past, revert the loss, but do not trouble them with your advise, spoiling their future.
There is this big question lingering in my mind for a long time.....should people in grief always follow what others say???? should they be subjected to advise, in the name of help???? can't they live their life individually???? can't they think on their own????? when will advise seem to cease????
Even the couple in grief cannot be of consolation to one another as i believe that, everything is individual and to every individual, emotions are individualistic. There is definitely a difference in the degree of joy, pain, sorrow, agony, hatred, love, happiness, tears....and the list is endless...among individuals. So please DO NOT ADVISE people who are in pain... it makes no gain..in their lives. TIME IS A HEALER AND TIME MOVES ON....
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